Client stories
F’s story
F’s husband (78) had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers. F was keen to learn more about the disease, and to understand the support that would be available to them as her husband’s condition deteriorated.
F also wanted to speak to other people in a similar situation, and we looked for activities that they could do together, such as singing groups for people living with dementia, as well as carers support groups for F.
F didn’t want to burden her husband further with her own feelings about his diagnosis, so was pleased to be able to offload to me.
K’s story
K lived 3 hours’ drive from her mother (84). K’s mother lived independently in her own home, but increasingly expected K to be available for her. She constantly compared K to the daughter of a friend of hers who was able to see her mother more often as she lived nearby.
K got in touch whenever she was finding the relationship with her mother particularly difficult. We talked through the guilt she felt, the boundaries she needed to establish, and her acceptance of the support she was realistically able to offer her mother.
A’s story
A’s parents were elderly and A felt that they could do with some more support. They refused to accept that they needed help, but A wanted to find a way to keep his parents safe and prevent a crisis.
We worked on a way for A to have sensitive conversations with his parents about their current and future care needs, and gradually introduce some simple measures to keep them safer at home. This also led to more open conversations about later life planning.
M’s story
When M’s wife E (75) was diagnosed with Alzheimers they moved from Newcastle to London to be nearer to their daughter and her family.
As E’s dementia progressed M had to take over all domestic and other responsibilities and was feeling increasingly isolated. He didn’t have friends in London and didn’t want to burden his daughter with his worries as she was busy with her career and young children.
During our meetings, M benefited from being able to regularly offload his feelings of sadness and loneliness, as he watched his wife lose her identity within her dementia.
We also encouraged M to find time for himself: not to neglect his own health concerns, and also to find some fulfilling social activities away from his caring role.
R’s story
R had moved in with her father (90) to care for him. He had type 1 diabetes. R had given up her own life and was refusing help from anyone else, as she thought that she was the only person who could look after her father properly. R’s own health suffered as she neglected her own needs.
A friend of R’s encouraged her to seek help. We talked about her caring role and the importance of her having breaks so that she could continue to care for her father to the best of her abilities. Gradually she found carers she could trust, which meant that R could focus on her own health needs as well as having some time for herself.
V’s story
V’s relationship with his mother (75) had been difficult since childhood. His father had died a few years ago and his mother had recently fallen twice at home. V felt he had to do his duty, as her only child, to make sure his mother had the care she needed. He had accepted this as his responsibility, but he was struggling to come to terms with both their current relationship and their difficult history.
During our meetings, V talked through the boundaries he needed to set with his mother in order to manage the situation. He also came to an acceptance that their relationship wasn’t going to change.